I cannot be a perfectionist and follow Jesus. The two contradict each other in ways that forbid the other from taking hold and permeating each part of my life. I must remind myself multiple times in a day to accept what Jesus has planned for me. I don't like to fail at things, and currently those things in which I don't like to fail at include tests and skills that will determine my educational success and whether or not I will finish this semester with a diploma. Nursing school is the hardest thing I have ever done because it forces me to accept that my success is not always in my control - I won't always think the way I'm expected to think; I won't always catch mistakes or perform to perfection, or pick the right answer when I can't determine that it's the best right answer from all the other right answers. In some ways, my journey through nursing school is a lot like my journey with Jesus. Most of the time, my outcomes are skewed so that I am learning a greater lesson that will contribute to the bigger plan. And most of the time, my opinion on those outcomes is biased and clouded. Jesus knows if there is pride in my heart that needs to be cured with a failing grade. He knows me better than I know my self in infinite ways. He knows exactly where I will be and therefore, every event -large or insignificant- that will get me there. Jesus' way of leading me is so much better than my most perfect performance. My hope is that I will cling to Jesus through the challenges and not only accept what He has planned for me, but embrace it with a humble heart - trusting that His work is for the bigger plan.